Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It’s argued among individuals that high school graduates should go through a gap
year
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instead
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of directly going to college. In my perspective,
minors
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should start to study at university first
instead
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of wasting a
year
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off.
Firstly
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, travelling and working is a huge chance that not everyone takes advantage of. By travelling and visiting multiple countries,
minors
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would gain lots of knowledge and experiences. Especially alone, graduates would get to meet crutical numbers of
people
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, they could gain information about cultures, traditions and languages.
In addition
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, travelling helps young
people
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become more independent and confident when facing new situations.
On the other hand
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, working
,
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apply
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plays a huge part in building a minor’s personality, in which they learn how to deal with harsh situations. They may
also
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improve their communication skills and learn how to work with different kinds of
people
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.
However
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, a gap
year
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may affect negatively on
minors
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. By taking a
year
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off, children would waste it on parties and night-outs, which results in being surrounded by the wrong
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
minors
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won’t think twice of returning to studying again and would prefer to skip uni and enjoy their time.
Also
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, skipping a
year
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may damage
minors
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financial sum, because of not being able to control the amount of money spent on going out and travelling.
Moreover
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, some students may forget important study skills and find it difficult to adapt to university life after a long break from education.
To conclude
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, between the advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with balancing life between studies and travelling, rather than taking a
year
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off.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about the gap year and less about going to university at once.
task response
Add one clear example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Your main view is clear, but it changes a little at the end. Keep one clear opinion from start to finish.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. Use simple words like first, also, however, and in conclusion in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
A few ideas need more explanation, so each point feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
task response
You answer the main topic and give some good points about travel, work, and study.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high school graduates
  • travel
  • work
  • study
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • personal development
  • cultural development
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • career options
  • academic progression
  • financial constraints
  • networking opportunities
  • continuous
  • opportunity to specialize
  • resources
  • guidance
  • lack of
  • pressure
  • stress
  • flexibility
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