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Band 5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest threat faced by humanity at the present time. Do you agree or disagree?

#rise #world #population #threat #humanity #time
The increasing
Correct article usage
Increasing
show examples
 overpopulation is the biggest threat faced by human beings today.
This
 essay totally agrees with that statement because of the serious depletion of natural resources and pollution. The rapid growth of people in the world means overconsumption of
planet's
Correct article usage
the planet's
show examples
 resources
such
 as oil and gas which are commonly used with cars and offices.
Nevertheless
,
this
 excessive usage exploits our nature
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
without realizing the consequences of these actions.
For instance
, China is one of the most populated
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in the world and the government made a strict law on penalizing the citizens
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 unnecessary consumption of electricity in the establishment
whereas
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
resulted in a huge reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 electric bills. Another reason is that with the
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 number of people, companies and factories should produce more products to supply the demands of the world.
Hence
, the
abnoxious
Correct your spelling
obnoxious
 gasses
release
Replace the word
released
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the air can cause
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like lung cancer and other respiratory problems.
Nonetheless
, these pollutants are harmful and workers are not thinking of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 consequences.
For example
, KSA has a high rate of H2S in the air because of
overproduction
Correct article usage
the overproduction
show examples
 of oil to meet the request. In conclusion, in an overpopulated environment, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people might be more than the available essential materials and harmful elements poses
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 greatest risk to all. I,
therefore
, believe all countries should raise awareness brought by
dense
Correct article usage
the dense
show examples
 population not only today but for the
next
 generation.
Submitted by namlaemy on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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