IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today’s society provides people with various ways to lose weight, such as special diets or exercise regimes. Many people believe though that poor food and today’s lifestyle should be addressed first. What is your opinion?

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In modern society, the awareness of losing
weight
Use synonyms
 is rising through social media which makes many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have special diets or exercise regimes so as to be slim.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others advocate that addressing unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and today's lifestyle should be put in the
first
Linking Words
 priority. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to explain my opinions.
To begin
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 with, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are diagnosed with diabetes or obesity is rising, especially in developed nations. Due to the pace of life being fast, the majority of individuals have developed a habit of consuming processed
food
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 and that negatively affects their bodies.
For example
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, artificial flavouring and chemistry are added to fast
food
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 which leads to diseases. In some western countries like America, the habit of eating fried chicken and carbonated drinks has made more than a quarter of juveniles in the nation overweight.
Hence
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, the concepts of eating healthy
food
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 need to be promoted to the public to decline the population with obesity
first
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.
On the other hand
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, staying up late is one of the most common unhealthy habits nowadays, which makes
people
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more chances to have illnesses
such
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 as cancer and harms the immune systems of human beings.
As a result
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, transforming the lifestyle is more important than losing
weight
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.
Moreover
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, the research shows that the effects of good living habits include losing
weight
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 as well. In conclusion, the consequences of consuming healthy
food
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 and developing good living habits not only include losing
weight
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 in a healthy way but
also
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 being beneficial to the human body.
Therefore
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, modern
people
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 need to put avoiding processed
food
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 and
transforming
Wrong verb form
transform
show examples
 their lifestyles in the
first
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 place.

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