IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people find it difficult to live a healthy life. What are the difficulties they face? What can these people do to become healthier?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 Many
people
Use synonyms
 want to be healthy to live a better life and reduce risks of sickness, especially at older ages, they think it is hard to start having a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. several possible factors contribute to
this
Linking Words
 difficulty, and of course, there are a number of potential solutions for these difficulties.
This
Linking Words
 essay mentions two possible reasons and their solutions. One of the major problems that prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from having a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is laziness
due to
Linking Words
 the comfort zones in which
people
Use synonyms
 have provided themselves.
However
Linking Words
, the created condition develops an unhealthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 because they tend to maintain their desired zone and find it difficult to change it. The transition from eating sweets and junk foods and being couch potatoes to exercising every day, eating vegetables and protein and healthy food might not be easy. Another possible barrier to
this
Linking Words
 appears to be
people
Use synonyms
’s free
time
Use synonyms
. These days many
people
Use synonyms
 work out of their house nine-to-five and they almost have no
time
Use synonyms
 for having a healthy meal and going to the gym. They prefer to have ready-made meals which are not healthy. Turning to possible solutions, taking the first
step
Use synonyms
 of starting a new thing is hard but not impossible.
People
Use synonyms
 should force themselves to take the first
step
Use synonyms
 with all of its difficulties and sign up for a gym or an activity they enjoy, in following of start an activity they should work on their diet
step
Use synonyms
 by
step
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, the first
step
Use synonyms
 of having a healthy diet is to refrain from sweets.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other solution appears to be planning for their life and scheduling their free
time
Use synonyms
, so in the following their planning, they might have lots of free
time
Use synonyms
 to do an activity or cook home-made meals. In conclusion, having a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is not easy, especially if
people
Use synonyms
 get used to being lazy or for
people
Use synonyms
 who spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at work but it is not impossible to change these habits by planning to take steps for a healthier
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 a healthier future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, you should use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas together. Make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, with clear topic sentences that are developed throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement and summary of main points. Work on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more comprehensive in summarizing the essay's arguments.
coherence cohesion
You've made attempts to support main points with explanations, but providing specific examples and evidence will strengthen your arguments. Aim to include at least one detailed example in each body paragraph to tangibly illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your response to the task contains relevant ideas and is complete, but it needs to delve deeper into the topic. Expand your discussion beyond general statements by exploring the implications, causes, and nuances of the issue.
task achievement
While you've outlined ideas related to the topic, strive to explain these concepts more comprehensively. Explain the elements that make up a healthy lifestyle and how they interact with the barriers you've described. Add more depth to your analysis of the difficulties and solutions.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific, relevant examples to substantiate the claims made. Such examples are crucial for the examiner to assess your ability to think critically and apply ideas to real-world scenarios. Always ground your arguments with concrete, relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: