IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people find it difficult to live a healthy life. What are the difficulties they face? What can these people do to become healthier?

#people #life #difficulties #face
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While
 Many
people
 want to be healthy to live a better life and reduce risks of sickness, especially at older ages, they think it is hard to start having a healthy
lifestyle
. several possible factors contribute to
this
 difficulty, and of course, there are a number of potential solutions for these difficulties.
This
 essay mentions two possible reasons and their solutions. One of the major problems that prevent
people
 from having a healthy
lifestyle
 is laziness
due to
 the comfort zones in which
people
 have provided themselves.
However
, the created condition develops an unhealthy
lifestyle
 because they tend to maintain their desired zone and find it difficult to change it. The transition from eating sweets and junk foods and being couch potatoes to exercising every day, eating vegetables and protein and healthy food might not be easy. Another possible barrier to
this
 appears to be
people
’s free
time
. These days many
people
 work out of their house nine-to-five and they almost have no
time
 for having a healthy meal and going to the gym. They prefer to have ready-made meals which are not healthy. Turning to possible solutions, taking the first
step
 of starting a new thing is hard but not impossible.
People
 should force themselves to take the first
step
 with all of its difficulties and sign up for a gym or an activity they enjoy, in following of start an activity they should work on their diet
step
 by
step
,
for example
, the first
step
 of having a healthy diet is to refrain from sweets.
Moreover
, the other solution appears to be planning for their life and scheduling their free
time
, so in the following their planning, they might have lots of free
time
 to do an activity or cook home-made meals. In conclusion, having a healthy
lifestyle
 is not easy, especially if
people
 get used to being lazy or for
people
 who spend most of their
time
 at work but it is not impossible to change these habits by planning to take steps for a healthier
lifestyle
 and
also
 a healthier future.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, you should use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas together. Make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, with clear topic sentences that are developed throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement and summary of main points. Work on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more comprehensive in summarizing the essay's arguments.
coherence cohesion
You've made attempts to support main points with explanations, but providing specific examples and evidence will strengthen your arguments. Aim to include at least one detailed example in each body paragraph to tangibly illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your response to the task contains relevant ideas and is complete, but it needs to delve deeper into the topic. Expand your discussion beyond general statements by exploring the implications, causes, and nuances of the issue.
task achievement
While you've outlined ideas related to the topic, strive to explain these concepts more comprehensively. Explain the elements that make up a healthy lifestyle and how they interact with the barriers you've described. Add more depth to your analysis of the difficulties and solutions.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific, relevant examples to substantiate the claims made. Such examples are crucial for the examiner to assess your ability to think critically and apply ideas to real-world scenarios. Always ground your arguments with concrete, relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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