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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

University students often focus on one subject. However, some people think that universities should encourage students to learn a range of other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In modern life, there are some universites provide
one
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 subject to be considered.
However
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, some people believe that colleges should encourage students to learn varied subjects. I firmly agree with the concept of studying
one
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 course. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both views carefully.
Body paragraph 1
On the
one
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 hand, studying a range of subjects plays a vital role in people's lives, as it helps people to learn about widespread topics simultaneously.
However
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, since we are talking about learning from educational institutions, it is crucial to give full concentration to a particular subject. Colleges have limited
time
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 for learning and gaining experience at the same
time
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is important to dedicate
this
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time
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 properly.
For example
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, if someone wants to learn a specific material theoretically and practically, he has to use his
time
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 in an appropriate way because
time
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 is limited.
As a result
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, there will be a full experience from
this
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 learning method.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is difficult to learn multiple curricula at university for those who want to specialise in their field of study.
Although
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 there will be a plan for these courses, it may confuse students, especially those who want to be specialised.
For instance
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, students who devote their effort to
one
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 specific major are more likely to be highly skilled in their field of study.
This
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 approach leads them to succeed in their career, and they can contribute effectively to the community.
Conclusion
In conclusion, focusing on a particular field of study is better than studying for multiple courses
due to
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 the confusion and distraction that may appear in the learning journey.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear. You say you agree with studying one course, but the question asks if students should also learn other subjects. State that you agree or disagree with this idea, then keep the same view in all parts.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain why one main subject gives deep skill, and explain why one or two other subjects may still help a student in work and life.
task response
Use more real examples. For example, an engineering student may learn business or communication, while still spending most time on engineering.
task response
Do not make the two body parts say nearly the same thing. Both parts mainly support one subject. If you discuss both sides, give a clear reason for each side and then show why your view is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make it easier to follow, begin each body part with one direct main idea, then add explanation and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words such as “because”, “so”, “however”, and “for this reason”. Some sentences now join many ideas and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “one subject”, “field of study”, and “learning” too often. Use simple other words such as “main area”, “major”, or “course” where the meaning stays clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your first paragraph. Your ending is clear, but it should also say how far you agree with the idea of learning other subjects.
task response
You give a clear general view that students need to spend enough time on their main area.
task response
Your examples are linked to university study, work, and skill, so they stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two body parts, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use signposting words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • technologically advanced
  • innovation
  • expertise
  • well-rounded education
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • competitive edge
  • dynamic job market
  • singular focus
  • mental health
  • personal development
  • diverse curriculum
  • self-awareness
  • elective courses
  • primary subject
  • blending
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