Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds

Many think that the public concerns and resources granted to wildlife conservation are

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more than necessary.

However

, I do not concur with

this

point of view as thousands of animals and birds out there are still facing the threat of being erased from the Earth every year. Admittedly, mankind’s awareness of the paramount importance of biodiversity has been on

Correct article usage

the

show examples

rise recently.

To begin

with, stringent policies have been implemented to protect wild animals from being privately possessed by individuals whose main

purposes

Fix the agreement mistake

purpose

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

to exploit them for entertainment. In China,

for example

, pandas are only legally possessed by government bodies and whoever breaks the laws can be heavily fined or imprisoned. By conducting these principles, governments have alleviated the crisis of the panda population over the past few years. Had it not been for

this

implementation, pandas could have been put on the verge of extinction or would

Correct your spelling

have

even

Correct your spelling

been

show examples

completely erased from the Earth.

Nevertheless

such

deeds are insufficient because of the following reasons. The first one is that the government only allocates a certain amount of the national budget for wild animal protection, engendering a lack of financial support in providing medical aid to all species.

This

can be exemplified by the increasing number of extinct rhinoceroses in India whose inadequate finance acts as a deterrent in injecting chemicals into rhinoceroses’ horns to protect them from being hunted.

As a result

, those

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are exempt from proper assistance may confront a higher probability of being killed by illegal poachers or hunters. In conclusion, it is true that some living species

are receiving

Wrong verb form

receive

show examples

a high level of people’s attention and resources in certain places, but in others,

this

is not the case and more attempts need to be made for the sake of genetic diversity

Submitted by happyhihihehe on Thu Dec 15 2022

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task response

Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the main points you are making, and provide more specific details to support your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay displays good logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to link your ideas more explicitly throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

biodiversity
ecological balance
species extinction
wildlife conservation
sustainable development
ecosystem services
habitat destruction
endangered species
conservation efforts
natural heritage
human encroachment
poaching
genetic diversity
climate change
environmental stewardship
protection measures
wildlife sanctuary
biological significance
conservation biology
environmental advocacy

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Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

The spread of multinational companies and the resulting increase of globalization produce positive effects for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The map show Southside,a shopping mall, as it is now, and plans for its development. Summarise the indormation by selecting and repoting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.