IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is observed that getting
risks
Use synonyms
 are
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for some people and it is not only personal lives but
also
Linking Words
professional
Change preposition
in professional
show examples
 lives. From my point of view, there are disadvantages to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon outweighing its advantages which I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, the
first
Linking Words
 downside of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is that one may
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 his job and career.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a
bussinesperson
Correct your spelling
businessperson
 gets a risk, he might deal with many problems. Another drawback of getting
risks
Use synonyms
 is that it could be dangerous circumstances for lives.
For example
Linking Words
, climbers have to use personal
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 during the climb
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
mountain. If they do not use them, it will be bad
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to these disadvantages are that it causes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 pay fine in
traffic
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a vehicle driver who
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 fast his car may be caught a
traffic
Use synonyms
 police.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 condition, he may charge with some
traffic
Use synonyms
 fines.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one upside of getting
risks
Use synonyms
 is that it may ensure
to win
Change the verb form
winning
show examples
 much more money.
For example
Linking Words
, people who invest their money to take bitcoins might win lots of
cashes
Change the wording
cash
amounts of cash
flows of cash
fistfuls of cash
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
second
Linking Words
 advantage of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is that it provides more social environments.
In other words
Linking Words
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 who take
risks
Use synonyms
try
Change the form of the verb
trying
show examples
 to find
the same situations people
Change to a genitive case
the people of the same situation
show examples
, so their social networks expanded. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
, getting
risks
Use synonyms
 may have
sevaral
Correct your spelling
several
 advantages
such
Linking Words
 as
to win
Change the verb form
winning
show examples
 a great amount of money and ensuring more social environments, the demerits which are
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, being dangerous for life, and paying
traffic
Use synonyms
 fines can easily overweigh them.
Submitted by orhanveli2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: