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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to young children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
According to some people, voluntary
work
 is needed to include
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 courses as a mandatory program. I believe, it will benefit the
students
 by preparing them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality and should be added as an essential subject for
students
.
Thi
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 essay will tell about the reasons
how
Correct word choice
why
show examples
community
 service can be helpful to the younger generation. Nowadays most of the younger generation are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
selfish and arrogant, which is the result of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication and knowledge about the world outside of their phones. With
community
work
Add a comma
,work
show examples
 they can be forced to look around themself and witness problems like environmental pollution and social stratification.
For instance
, most schools allow their
students
 to volunteer at charity events, where they can sell items or serve food to homeless people.
Besides
 that, voluntary
work
 is a great opportunity for
students
 to get to know each other and make new connections. Making friends outside a class is a very helpful skill to learn.
Such
 an environment will allow children to understand the importance of the support of others. But in order for youth to be more willing to participate in
community
work
, they need to be motivated and
this
 can be done without money.
For example
, schools can organize concerts or summer camps for volunteers. In conclusion, unpaid
community
work
 should be compulsory in
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
. It will teach teenagers to be more careful with the environment and have empathy for others. To motivate kids as a reward, school administration can organize events for volunteers.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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