Some people think that the government should give money to creative people,such as artists and musicians.to what extend do you agree?

#people #government #money #artists #musicians

It is an extremely undeniable fact that nowadays art is

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

more and more famous and

people

begin to explore artistic things.It is believed

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some individuals that the

government

should provide some financial

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

toward

Change preposition

for

show examples

talented

people

.it will beneficial for those

people

but

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

have some major issues to deal with

such

as,many public facilities,health care facilities and many more.considering today’s circumstances and consequences of

this

view,I partially agree with the given statement and

this

essay will discuss the view in

following

Correct article usage

the following

show examples

paragraphs. To commence with,there are several reasons why the

government

should give

Remove the article

apply

show examples

money to talented

people

.The

first

and foremost reason is that financial support will provide them

stable

Add an article

a stable

show examples

platform to rise up.To elaborate

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

,there are multiple

people

who are really born with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

talent and skills.Despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

having talent,they are unable to depict other and their skills are hundred.If the

government

provide them

Change preposition

with financially

show examples

financially

Replace the word

financial

show examples

help

then

they could lead their talents in

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

direction and entertain

people

for example

,according to the specific survey,the majority of

people

abandoned their dreams because of their economic crisis. Apart from that,the

government

have lots of problems to deal with,

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

unemployment,

education

Correct article usage

the education

show examples

system,medical sectors,transportation and many more.If

people

will get employment

then

they will be able enough to stand on their own.For

Add a comma

,artistes

show examples

artistes

Correct your spelling

artists

show examples

the

government

should provide loan facilities at down Interest.Not only these but if

people

Change the verb form

are

show examples

educated

then

by hook or by cook they will find

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

way

Add an article

a way

show examples

to rise. In conclusion,the

government

should give

economically

Change the word

economic

show examples

help to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artists and talented

people

but the

government

still have some major dilemmas which

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to be solved

first

Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on Sat Dec 17 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

stimulate the economy
investing in the creative industry
job opportunities
economic growth
cultural enrichment
public exhibits
international recognition
further investment
preserve cultural heritage
creative individuals
financial support
artistic movements
social cohesion
community participation
social bonds

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?
Metropolitan areas are increasingly grappling with a decline in residents’ quality of life. This essay will examine the primary factors contributing to this deterioration and propose potential solutions.
7
band
There are certain countries where students stay with their families while pursuing higher education, whereas in other countries, they prefer attending universities in different cities. What's your take on whether the benefits of living away from home during college outweigh the drawbacks?
In this day and age, an increasing number of individuals pursue higher education. It is evident that most learners want to challenge themselves or sometimes need a good environment to study in. Nevertheless, I’m just partially in agreement with that point, some pupils will enter college in their city to live with their parents. Hence, being active away from home is wise. My view on this issue is that the pros of bread and butter in a close household outweigh the cons. I will shed light on both views in the following essay.
6
band
Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?
Today many people are sleep-deprived. I think this can take a toll on their relationships and their ability to perform certain tasks. Fortunately, meditation can help.
6.5
band
People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
The advancements in communication technology and transportation have revolutionized
5.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
At present, the life expectancy in many nations is increasing, nevertheless, some believe having a high percentage of the older generation is troublesome for the governing bodies, since they can not be involved in the upliftment of the economy. However, others say it is beneficial to possess them because elders can maintain the cultural values of a country. In my opinion, the negativity on the economic balance with overcrowding of the older population outweighs any possible advantages that they can give in terms of traditional integration, hence it will be examined in this essay.

Some people think that the government should give money to creative people,such as artists and musicians.to what extend do you agree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?

There are certain countries where students stay with their families while pursuing higher education, whereas in other countries, they prefer attending universities in different cities. What's your take on whether the benefits of living away from home during college outweigh the drawbacks?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?