Full-time university students spend most of their time in class or working on assignments. However, some people think that it is important for students to get involved in non-academic activities on campus as well (for example, to join a sports team or take part in drama). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many
students
are now dedicating their whole lives on campus to learning their subjects,
while
others believe that non-academic things are just as important.
Although
focusing on studying in class is of course crucial, I believe that extracurriculars are just as significant. On the one hand, I accept that individuals should focus on their academic
life
. As an ideal learning process, when lecturers teach some academic modules,
students
should have to concentrate on them, in order to get a full understanding of those lessons.
As a result
, they could comprehensively pass the assignments and the final exams given by their teachers.
Moreover
, getting a particular degree in
life
is another thing that people dream of. If people did not take care of their academic subjects, they would not pass the exam easily.
However
, there are some reasons why non-academic activities are just as pivotal as academic
life
mentioned above.
Firstly
, extracurriculars can develop children's soft skills
such
as teamwork and leadership
as well as
communication skills. When joining a sports team,
for example
,
students
would interact and collaborate with the others. From my perspective, non-campus
life
has
also
become a specific measure to influence learners by training both their concentration and problem-solving abilities.
For instance
, people with high intensity in doing sports, are more likely to focus on managing their daily routines. These two non-academic factors may lead to their great contribution to the class. In conclusion, I believe that academic
life
is definitely a fundamental reason, but other non-academic activities are just as essential for
students
' development.
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on

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task achievement
In the task achievement criterion, try to incorporate a few more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure that each point in your essay is clearly linked to the overall argument. Some parts could be connected more smoothly to ensure that the essay flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
Consider expanding a bit more on the benefits of non-academic activities to balance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more consistently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion do a good job framing the essay and summarizing your points, which provides clarity for the reader.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear stance.
task achievement
The examples provided (e.g., joining sports teams) effectively illustrate your points about the benefits of non-academic activities.

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