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Band 5

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #hunger #food #aid
There is an opinion that
education
 is the main instrument to
fight
hunger
 globally. But
also
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
 of other
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
 should be mentioned,
in
particular
Add the comma(s)
,particular
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worldwide
hunger
 will be defeated only with
such
 a tool as
food
 aid. I concur
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
hunger
 will
be significantly reduce
Change the verb form
be significantly reduced
show examples
 only with the use of knowledge powers. In
this
 very
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 will be shown why I support that by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considering both sides. It may look convincing that
food
 aid is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 very powerful instrument to
fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
world
hunger
. But it’s only appearance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
food
 help aimed to support hungry people in specific territories, so it’s very narrow.
Moreover
,
food
 aid is a very temporary and costly measure.
For instance
,
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
food
 program delivered to central Africa thousands of tons of
food
 in one month which cost millions of dollars and it didn’t cover the whole central
Africans
Replace the word
African
show examples
territories
Fix the agreement mistake
territory
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, it would be good to look into
education
 as a measure to reduce
hunger
 worldwide. It should be noticed that
education
 gives intellectual tools to humanity which help them to survive. To illustrate,
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of disease showed that any disease was beaten only with
efforts
Correct article usage
the efforts
show examples
 of scientists and other people with distinguished intellect. So the same approach would be appropriate to
fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide
hunger
. So
this
 is the main point to support
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 and extension of
education
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 it is important to mention that both of the shown
hunger
 fighting tools are important, but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 if we talk about
institutional
Add an article
the institutional
show examples
 and complex
fight
Fix the agreement mistake
fights
show examples
with
Change preposition
against
show examples
hunger
 it is better to use
education
 as an instrument.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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