IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many cities,problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common.Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move of cities to rural areas.Do advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantage.

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
Problem
Fix the agreement mistake
Problems
show examples
 regarding overpopulation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 widespread
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 common in many cities.
Therefore
,businesses and individuals are suggested by the government to
move
 to the outskirt of the city.The advantages of
this
 do not
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantage,in which businesses will experience a large decline in customer
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 and individuals will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack of chance to access advanced technology. On the one hand,
move
 to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
large companies from town to out of cities bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
lot
 of situation.one of them decreasing
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
 consumers and
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 lose own products
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result managers
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
 bankrupt.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they
trading
Wrong verb form
trade
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
central
Replace the word
centre
show examples
 areas
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
If they
move
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
out of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 they feasible destroy a
lot
 of receipts.In fact,
last
 month a
lot
 of
manager
Change to a plural noun
managers
show examples
 be forced to
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 their business and they lost a
lot
 of money.That's
Add an article
the way
show examples
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 they never said
move
Add an article
the move
show examples
 to oneself businesses.
On the other hand
, moving out of urban to rural areas bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some advantages
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
this
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 working
workman
Change preposition
in workman
show examples
 healthy place because villages have a clean pride.
Also
, an individual could find it hard for living
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the country site,due to less opportunity for them to expose to new technologies. People need fast-respond telecommunication systems for both work and entertainment in their daily life.
For example
, minimising the delay for life exchange, document upload and
resarch
Correct your spelling
research
search
 for either work or study are important criteria in the working environment. In conclusion, the government plan for the movement of firms and people to the country site is not a good approach as there are more drawbacks compared to benefits.
Instead
, the government should consider expanding the urban or improving the facilities in the rural areas to overcome the serious issue of overpopulation in the cities.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: