IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Why people who leave school are more successful compare to those who complete their studies. Give reasons why they are more successful and what is require to be successful.

#people #school #studies
Some
people
 think that
people
 more successful in
life
 are early school leavers, the others may argue that different ways.
This
 essay will discuss possible points of view and explain deeper reasons.
Firstly
, many school drop-out students prefer to gain an insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the real working environment, which
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 as a key factor in their growth.
This
also
 helps them to have more industrial exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their career choice at a very young age.
Moreover
, with
such
 experiences, they can comprehend better career paths for themselves compared to those who pursue
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their education and are naive about real-
life
 work experiences. Many
people
 gain experience at a young age leads to their passion and ambition for their future.
For instance
, a university survey in Malaysia
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 showed that early school leavers are more successful compared to those who complete their studies.
Furthermore
, academic education only focused on theoretical knowledge rather than practical. Most successful
people
 are full of administrative skills and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills.
However
, there are some requirements to be successful professionally. Those who have achieved commendable success in their careers have put a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 and risks
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their work in order to have a successful
life
,
people
 should build an ambition,
self confident
Add a hyphen
self-confident
show examples
 and set a powerful goal in
life
, give their brain a place to aim and set a goal so that they can reach them. Take pride in what they do. To conclude , successful
life
 is not depending on the level of knowledge or education. The most important
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
hard work, having a goal to achieve and not being afraid to lose in
life
.
Submitted by yannaunghlaing on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: