many people work long hours , leaving very little time for leisure activities . does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages ?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation

Numerous humans around the world

work

a long

time

of their lives , so they allocate less

time

to entertain themselves . in

this

essay , some pros and cons of

this

matter will be explained and a logical conclusion will be proposed .

Firstly

, hardworking individuals usually can earn a lot of money they buy everything that they need ,

such

as luxury houses, modern cars which are from famous companies in the world and expensive goods which have high quality . Surly their income is too enough for travelling abroad and reserving brilliant hotels . Generally , a human who works most of the

time

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is able to buy expensive purchases that it leads to modern , comfortable and dreamy life . In fact , their

work

is the most important thing for them and plays an essential role . they are able to have everything which people wish to have . On the other side , if humans dedicate all their

time

work

, they lose their valuable friendship ,

thus

they become

bored

Replace the word

boring

show examples

day to day and they feel lonely , sad and unhappy . Definitely , people who have little leisure

time

, get exhausted from their

work

and the performance of their mind decreases because the mind and brain need rest .

In addition

, an individual’s health is endangered mentally and physically . Definitely , humans who spend more

time

relaxing,

such

as travelling , swimming , cooking , and exercising regularly , are able to concentrate on their

work

more effectively and which causes more success and they can get a better conclusion from their efforts . To sum up ,

although

allocating most of the

time

work

makes people rich , spending rest

time

plays an essential role in life ,

thus

I believe that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages .

Submitted by tala.allamenajafy on Sun Dec 18 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-life balance
mental well-being
burnout
stress relief
productivity
economic growth
career progression
skill enhancement
quality time
financial security
leisure activities
physical health
personal relationships
stress-related illnesses

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many people work long hours , leaving very little time for leisure activities . does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Directors and managers of organization are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people are very strict about their school uniforms and the apprearance of their pupils, while other schools have a relaxed dress cod

3)Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?