IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many people work long hours , leaving very little time for leisure activities . does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages ?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Numerous humans around the world
work
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 a long
time
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 of their lives , so they allocate less
time
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 to entertain themselves . in
this
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 essay , some pros and cons of
this
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 matter will be explained and a logical conclusion will be proposed .
Firstly
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 , hardworking individuals usually can earn a lot of money they buy everything that they need ,
such
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 as luxury houses, modern cars which are from famous companies in the world and expensive goods which have high quality . Surly their income is too enough for travelling abroad and reserving brilliant hotels . Generally , a human who works most of the
time
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is able to buy expensive purchases that it leads to modern , comfortable and dreamy life . In fact , their
work
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 is the most important thing for them and plays an essential role . they are able to have everything which people wish to have . On the other side , if humans dedicate all their
time
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 to
work
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 , they lose their valuable friendship ,
thus
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 they become
bored
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boring
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 day to day and they feel lonely , sad and unhappy . Definitely , people who have little leisure
time
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 , get exhausted from their
work
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 and the performance of their mind decreases because the mind and brain need rest .
In addition
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 , an individual’s health is endangered mentally and physically . Definitely , humans who spend more
time
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 relaxing,
such
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 as travelling , swimming , cooking , and exercising regularly , are able to concentrate on their
work
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 more effectively and which causes more success and they can get a better conclusion from their efforts . To sum up ,
although
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 allocating most of the
time
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 to
work
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 makes people rich , spending rest
time
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 plays an essential role in life ,
thus
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 I believe that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages .
Submitted by tala.allamenajafy on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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