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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #society #benefit #contribution
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These days, continuous advances in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicine, certainly, ensure
people
Use synonyms
 have a longer
life
Use synonyms
 span .
As a result
Linking Words
, they might help
people
Use synonyms
 they love and do other activities that are useful to someone else. To elaborate, these days,
people
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, living in various countries , admittedly, have a better
life
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 quality and a longer
life
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 expectancy due to the fact that many doctors working in both private and public hospitals are able to cure a great variety of diseases including cancer and chronic illnesses
people
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 suffer from by using sophisticated medical equipment and effective therapies.
As a result
Linking Words
 , since elderly
people
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 often feel good , they frequently look after their nephews as they enjoy picking up any little kid at school and
also
Linking Words
 playing with him or her. They could
also
Linking Words
 take part in charity events as volunteers if others ask for their help .
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, in case elderly
people
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 are retired from the company for which they worked for many years , they usually keep in touch with their colleagues especially when they had the position of manager in their workplace .
For example
Linking Words
 , since my father was a great doctor, many doctors he taught during his
life
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 often called and visited him until he died at the age of
eight-five
Correct your spelling
eighty-five
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. I personally think that any person could take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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from
Change preposition
of
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who can
also
Linking Words
 give
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 advice to him or her as they have gotten a lot of experience during their lives.
Submitted by silviamangioni on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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