IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that offenders should be put in prison. Others, however, believe that providing offenders with education and training is more effective than putting them in prison. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #offenders #prison #education
Generally, we are used to
think
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thinking
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, that everyone, who
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
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 a crime must be in jail. But there are
people
, which opinions differ slightly They believe, that offenders can have
second
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a second
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 chance
,
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apply
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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educational programs would be more effective than traditional punishments. Nowadays when
mind
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the mind
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 of mankind is wider, many
people
 start to offer ways for real correction and comprehension of actions, unlike just sitting in prison. It would be useful for
criminals
 as well as for society.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, staying in prison could cause psychological problems,because
of
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apply
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they will feel regret, anger, or revenge. Especially if they were wrongly judged or were beaten or murdered there. As you know, many
people
 have died,
what
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which
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 is
also
 awry;due to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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facts
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,facts
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 I support correctional education.
Nevertheless
, a sizeable part of
people
are
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is
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 still of the opinion, that
criminals
 should be punished in prison. In fact,
people
 who have killed,
robbered
Correct your spelling
robbed
robbers
robber
, impossible to justify or forgive.
Moreover
, offenders would continue to commit crimes if they are free. To sum up, as
i
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I
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 see it,
criminals
 must be
rank
Wrong verb form
ranked
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 according to
crime’s
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crime
show examples
 degree. Not all offenders worth to be at freedom. And
people
 should evaluate their situation or actions so that
criminals
 can reform.
Submitted by medetbaevk on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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