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Band 6

6. International tourism has led to an huge increase in the number of visitors to many historical sites around the world. To what extent is this a positive or negative phenomenon?

#tourism #visitors #sites #world #phenomenon
The amount of foreign
tourists
 visiting ancient
sites
 around the world has increased dramatically.
This
 essay agrees that
this
 is a positive phenomenon since it supports the economic development of the country and it provides more awareness
in
Change preposition
to
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tourists
 about how to look after historical
sites
. One strong reason why
this
 essay believes that the previous statement represents a positive phenomenon is
because
Replace the word
that
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 a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of foreign people
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to visit ancient
sites
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 would be reflected in an increased economic income for the nation.
For example
, in the city of Cusco (Peru), thousands of
tourists
 spend a decent budget of money to visit “Machu Picchu” which is counted as one of the “7
wonders around
Correct your spelling
Wonders Around
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 the
world
Capitalize word
World
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” and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is known for being a famous construction made by the
incas
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Incas
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.
In addition
,
while
 international tourism has been more prominent during the
last
 years (especially in historical places)
this
 has
also
 led visitors to get more awareness and knowledge about the conditions in which many of these ancient areas rest.
Although
 the situation in which visitors encounter the areas is poor, they have the chance to learn how to support their preservation.
For example
, in
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
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 there are different national reserve programs in which any person can help as a volunteer to look after the area. In conclusion, it is evident that international tourism has increased, leading to a higher amount of
tourists
 visiting ancient
sites
.
This
 definitely represents a positive phenomenon since it provides the country
a
Add the preposition
with a
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higher economic income and it provides
tourists
 with the opportunity to learn how to preserve the place.
Submitted by nila.hiperu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure greater variety in sentence structure to enhance readability and avoid monotony.
task achievement
Provide a more nuanced view by considering potential downsides or challenges related to increased tourism at historical sites.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported.
task achievement
Specific examples like Machu Picchu and Sydney's reserve programs enhance the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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