IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that too much attention and many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
Some arguments are held about whether
wildlife
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 a great deal of attention and
resources
 to preserve or not. I disagree with the idea of giving boundless
care
 and sources in
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of
wildlife
 as what
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe is that not only do the
animals
 suffer from insufficient preserves but
also
 they need more surveillance and
resources
 in
preserve
Fix the agreement mistake
preserves
show examples
 because they play a key role in economic and environment which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 discuss as follow:
In addition
 to humans,
wildlife
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
such
 as accommodation,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
 being haunted by humans.
Although
such
 preserves and facilities are provided for them partially, a large number of
wildlife
 are on the verge of extinction or death.
For instance
, annually a myriad of them are killed by humans for their meat or skin means enough
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 of taking
care
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 providing
resources
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not adopted.
In addition
, it is important to protect
wildlife
 even
a
Correct word choice
though a
show examples
great number of
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and
care
 have to be taken. What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean to say is that
animals
 are effective for
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 in terms of either providing products like eggs,
milk
Correct word choice
and milk
show examples
, or eating weeds. Many Farmers make a living
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling these yields. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 these sales compound the income of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Besides
,
instead
 of burning weeds, their crops are
prune
Wrong verb form
pruned
show examples
 by animal grazing which is
also
 beneficial for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Therefore
, too much attention and too many
resources
 should be dedicated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of
animals
 and birds. Overall, in spite of some claims that too much
care
 and facilities are given to protect
animals
,
wildlife
 are still in danger of death meaning that
care
 and sources
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of them
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 insufficient
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
due to being economically and environmentally useful,
such
 attention and facilities in
protection
 should be more.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: