IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Criminals
Use synonyms
 are dangerous and
increase
Replace the word
increasing
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 day by day. So some people believe that give
criminals
Use synonyms
 in the
prison
Use synonyms
 as long as possible is the most effective way, whenever the other people hold the point of view that there will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better solution for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to demonstrate both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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, before presenting my opinion that there
are
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is
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more
Add an article
the more
a more
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 justifiable
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
criminals
Correct quantifier usage
number of criminals
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 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences. On the one hand, fervent advocates for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 longer time in
prison
Use synonyms
 may argue that these
thing
Change the determiner
things
show examples
 have positive influences on the number of
criminals
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 and
justifiable
Add a missing verb
are justifiable
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 so.
Criminals
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 are the most dangerous part of
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 who will do anything regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 consequence in the world, so they have to be
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
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 for their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Prison
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 may be the best
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 for them to retrain and start
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 new life, so the longer
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 in
prison
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, the better
thinking
Add the particle
tothinking
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arise
Correct subject-verb agreement
arises
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 benefits, I would opine that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 several drawbacks.
For instance
Linking Words
, the lack of
breadwinner
Correct article usage
a breadwinner
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 can
be causes
Change the verb form
be caused
show examples
 by the jail of
criminals
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,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 criminal’s children may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live without the love of their mother or father, which
also
Linking Words
 may be the reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
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 appear. So there are better solutions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing crime
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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 the protection of society,
arise
Correct word choice
and arise
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 the
aware
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awareness
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 of
protect
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protecting
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 domain for everybody. The
prison
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 sentences
also
Linking Words
 need to rely on the extent of the criminal
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, if it is a light
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
criminals
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 have to pay money or do some
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 activities, ... In conclusion,
prison
Use synonyms
 is not the best way for every type of
Use synonyms
criminals
Fix the agreement mistake
criminal
show examples
, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the extent of their
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The government need to make more activities for people who commit the rule.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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