IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Criminals
 are dangerous and
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 day by day. So some people believe that give
criminals
 in the
prison
 as long as possible is the most effective way, whenever the other people hold the point of view that there will have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better solution for
this
 phenomenon. In
this
 essay, I am going to demonstrate both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, before presenting my opinion that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more
Add an article
the more
a more
show examples
 justifiable
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
Correct quantifier usage
number of criminals
show examples
 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
prison
 sentences. On the one hand, fervent advocates for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 longer time in
prison
 may argue that these
thing
Change the determiner
things
show examples
 have positive influences on the number of
criminals
 and
justifiable
Add a missing verb
are justifiable
show examples
 so.
Criminals
 are the most dangerous part of
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who will do anything regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 consequence in the world, so they have to be
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 for their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Prison
 may be the best
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 for them to retrain and start
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new life, so the longer
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 in
prison
, the better
thinking
Add the particle
tothinking
show examples
arise
Correct subject-verb agreement
arises
show examples
.
On the other hand
, despite
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 benefits, I would opine that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison
also
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 several drawbacks.
For instance
, the lack of
breadwinner
Correct article usage
a breadwinner
show examples
 can
be causes
Change the verb form
be caused
show examples
 by the jail of
criminals
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 criminal’s children may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live without the love of their mother or father, which
also
 may be the reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals
 appear. So there are better solutions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing crime
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the protection of society,
arise
Correct word choice
and arise
show examples
 the
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 of
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 domain for everybody. The
prison
 sentences
also
 need to rely on the extent of the criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, if it is a light
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
criminals
 have to pay money or do some
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 activities, ... In conclusion,
prison
 is not the best way for every type of
criminals
Fix the agreement mistake
criminal
show examples
, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the extent of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The government need to make more activities for people who commit the rule.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: