Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists #world

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Some individuals believe that commercializing cultural

traditions

due to

profit will tarnish the authenticity and cultural significance of these

traditions

while

others argue that making money from these

traditions

is necessary for their survival. In

this

essay, I am going to discuss both viewpoints àn give my personal opinion.

To begin

with, many people believe that when

traditions

are adjusted to cater to tourists, they may need to undergo changes that compromise their uniqueness and cultural value.

Due to

attracting tourists, many cultural sites may face some negative challenges and lose their natural, authentic beauty.

As a consequence

, not only lose the nation's identity but

also

spend a lot of money in order to

reconstruct

Correct pronoun usage

reconstruct it

show examples

Moreover

, the overexploitation of historical and cultural relics can cause irreparable damage, diminishing their value.

For example

, ancient temples are eroded by excessive tourist numbers, or traditional rituals are distorted to serve commercial purposes.

On the other hand

, commercialization

also

brings some benefits. Revenue from cultural tourism can be invested in the preservation and restoration of

heritage

, funding research and cultural promotion activities. The transformation from cultural

traditions

to attractive tourist products can attract public interest and raise awareness of the value of cultural

heritage

In addition

, commercialization creates job opportunities and stimulates local economic development.

For instance

, Ha Long Bay which is a famous cultural

heritage

in Vietnam,

attract

Correct subject-verb agreement

attracts

show examples

numerous

millions

Add the preposition

millions of

show examples

visitors each year, meanwhile

create

Wrong verb form

creating

show examples

a lot of jobs for local citizens. In conclusion, the using of traditional culture including intangible cultural

heritage

and tangible cultural

heritage

has both benefits and drawbacks.

Therefore

, the government needs to have a solution to develop appropriate policies that balance economic benefits and cultural preservation is essential to ensure the development of cultural

heritage

Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on Thu Aug 01 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides a personal opinion, which is good. However, adding a few more specific and varied examples would strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly states the two contrasting viewpoints. This way, the reader can easily understand the scope of your discussion from the very beginning.

coherence cohesion

Work on developing a clearer and more logical progression between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for structure.

task achievement

You have provided relevant arguments and points to support both views, giving your essay a balanced perspective.

task achievement

You included an example to illustrate your point, which helps to clarify your argument.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Some people think that cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe that this is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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