IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider reoads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and giver your opinion.

#people #government #money #train #subway #lines #traffic #congestion #reoads #giver
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The ongoing discourse concerning governmental spending strategies to alleviate
traffic
congestion
 pits proponents of building train and
subway
 lines against advocates for wider
roads
. From my perspective, the prudent allocation of financial resources towards widening
roads
 emerges as the more practical solution to tackle
this
 persistent issue. Recognizing the appeal and potential of expanding train and
subway
 networks, it's evident how they could potentially alleviate
traffic
 strains. These modes of transportation offer promise in significantly reducing the burden of daily travellers on congested main streets, especially during peak rush hours. Notably, they possess the capability to efficiently transport hundreds of passengers simultaneously, as evidenced by China's nationwide rail network, which has notably alleviated overcrowding during high-
traffic
 periods.
However
, my stance resolutely supports investing in road expansion over the transient alleviation provided by rail or
subway
 enhancements. The core issue of
traffic
congestion
 fundamentally stems from vehicle density surpassing the current system's capacity. Enlarging
roads
 facilitates smoother
traffic
 flow for various vehicles, including private cars and buses, accommodating higher volumes and ensuring more seamless circulation. Despite the substantial expenses and time required, expanding
roads
 promises a sustainable, enduring solution to
congestion
. In conclusion, I strongly propose that state officials prioritize investment in the expansion of road systems.
This
 approach acknowledges the temporary relief brought by railroads or
subway
 lines
while
 emphasizing the enduring and comprehensive solution offered by the expansion of road infrastructure. The holistic development of
roads
 stands as a promising avenue toward effectively addressing and ultimately alleviating
traffic
congestion
 on a more sustainable scale.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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Task Response
Make sure to address both views presented in the question evenly. While your essay displays a clear argument for preferring road expansion, it is important to discuss the opposing view (in this case, the building of train and subway lines) with equal depth and consideration before stating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the seamless transition between ideas; this could involve the use of more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences. Consider revising the essay to ensure each paragraph naturally flows into the next, with clear connections between your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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