IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

WHEN A COUNTRY DEVELOPS ITS TECHNOLOGY, THE TRADITIONAL SKILLS AND WAYS OF LIFE DIE OUT. IT IS POINTLESS TO TRY AND KEEP THEM ALIVE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT

#country #technology #skills #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is indeed true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these days developed countries started investing more in machinery to take part in worldwide trade.
This
Linking Words
 developed
technology
Use synonyms
 creates a direct impact on traditional skills. I completely agree with the above statement and to support my opinion I will give some strong reasons.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, because of the competition for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
, each and every country has
follow
Change the verb form
followed
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend blindly and to
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
this
Linking Words
, somewhere they forgot their traditions and customs. There are lots of drawbacks to losing their traditions.
For instance
Linking Words
, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has been used for many tasks
such
Linking Words
 as
agricultures
Fix the agreement mistake
agriculture
show examples
, industries and many more and machine has replaced
people
Use synonyms
’s manual tasks in most cases.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the internet is causing a lack of human touch. To illustrate,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays prefer video calls, voice calls or any social chatting platform to communicate. All features have affected directly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional skills.
Also
Linking Words
, some historical
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 has been disappeared nowadays.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of modern
technology
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays use different items which are made up of using
technology
Use synonyms
.
consequently
Linking Words
, unique handicraft items have become vanishes
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
. Which directly impacts on country’s economy.
As a result
Linking Words
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 have become poorer.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 is the only reason that
people
Use synonyms
 have become lazy
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 and they are always depending on
technology
Use synonyms
 for their daily work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a prominent and vital role in every individual’s life, become
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
 lives
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become easier and
also
Linking Words
 it helps to cure many diseases. Agglomerating all the above points elaborated, I would like to conclude that it is good to develop
technology
Use synonyms
 in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
, but the
people
Use synonyms
 of that country do not forget the traditional skills and ways of life. .
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: