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Band 4

Some believe that professional wprkers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities.

#believe #wprkers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities
Some argue that professional
jobs
 should be paid more than personal
jobs
. I totally agree with
given
Add an article
the given
show examples
 statement,
workers
 that
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for
people
's benefit should earn more
money
.
To begin
 with,
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 goal of
proFessions
Correct your spelling
professions
show examples
such
 as
doctors
 and
teachers
 is to help others and without
Add a comma
,them
show examples
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 country's economy would Fall, so they work for citizenship.
Doctors
 help
people
 to treat and
dealing
Change the form of the verb
deal
show examples
 with
difFerent
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 types of Illnesses and
that is
 important to
Add an article
an individuals
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 life.
However
, despite
thIs
, at
this
 moment their pay figure is lower.
likewise
,
teachers
 play important role in every
people
's
liFe
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
, not only
student’s
Change noun form
students
show examples
, because education is relevant to being human and with help of
teachers
people
 know many aspects of living like how to manage
money
, how to
communitate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 and etc.
For example
: today individuals creating new technologies and
that is
 learnt by
teachers
. In my perspective
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
view
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spend more
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 professional
workers
 and
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 quality of
jobs
 will increase more.
In addition
,
jobs
 like sport
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
benefit
Add an article
a benefit
show examples
 only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yourself and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
viewers
also
 entertainment personalities not that helpful for others as
doctors
 do.
People
 became sportsmen with help of their ability and they earn
money
 for
this
.
Business men
Correct your spelling
Businessmen
show examples
 usually
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
selling goods with
rosing
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 costs and
this
 is how they get paid. In my opinion,
instead
 of
this
 professional
workers
 should be financed
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would be benefit for all citizenships . Personal
Jobs
 work in a good
Correct your spelling
place
plase
Correct your spelling
place
 and
also
 take more
money
 and relevant to
doctors
 and
teachers
 it would be
unrespectifull
Correct your spelling
unrespectful
 and unfair. To give an example,
sportmen
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
 paid more than 10 times
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
teachers
. In conclusion,
Add an article
the proFessional
a proFessional
show examples
proFessional
Correct your spelling
professional
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 should earn more for their good job for other
workers
 like
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 works only for themselves.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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