IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The young generation is increasingly moving to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in search of better job opportunities and greater standards of living. Meanwhile, many elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are abandoned in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 alone, receiving insufficient care for their bodily and mental health. Despite the fact that young
people
Use synonyms
 have much better career prospects and have access to a wider range of lifestyles, I believe that society cannot afford to lose the elder population. There are undoubtedly some fundamental advantages for young
people
Use synonyms
 moving to
cities
Use synonyms
. The most notable benefit is that they can take advantage of a wealth of professional choices with more complex vocations. Due to the fact that international corporations frequently choose large
cities
Use synonyms
 as their headquarters locations, there is a significant need for highly skilled workers with competitive pay ,
for example
Linking Words
, financial analyst, database manager, and data scientist. Young talent with specific knowledge and skills may
therefore
Linking Words
 find themselves considerably more competitive in
cities
Use synonyms
 where there is a much greater demand for their speciality than there is in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. The vibrant populace can
also
Linking Words
 experiment with a wide variety of interests and lifestyles thanks to city living.
For instance
Linking Words
, a New Yorker can arrange various activities
such
Linking Words
 as attending a movie, going to a fine-dining restaurant, and doing some grocery shopping all at once while hanging out with friends at malls directly after work.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 might discover their ideal careers and try new things.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the elderly who are left alone in less developed places without well-established services to address all types of daily needs bear the burden of the youth's relocation to
cities
Use synonyms
. To live to a ripe old age, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 need the right attention and care from their children and medical specialists.
However
Linking Words
, they are left alone as their children depart from them and travel to
cities
Use synonyms
. Extreme mental health issues, including terrible diseases like dementia, can be brought on by the overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many seniors have chronic illnesses that necessitate ongoing medical guidance from doctors and even periodic physical examinations. Seniors' physical health may be seriously threatened by the absence of hospitals and the dearth of trained carers in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, endangering their life expectancy and level of living. The expense of allowing the senior class to live alone in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is too high for society, even though big
cities
Use synonyms
 provide young
people
Use synonyms
 with a wide range of job choices and life experiences. Seniors will experience significant loneliness and loss of family connections
in addition
Linking Words
 to a dearth of facilities to meet their basic requirements.
Submitted by 215612999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration
  • economic opportunities
  • urban areas
  • rural industries
  • cultural heritage
  • overpopulation
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • neglect
  • workforce
  • traditional cultures
  • customs
  • pollution
  • support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: