IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The use of mobile phones should be banned in public space such as libraries, transportations, and shops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phones #space #libraries #transportations #shops
The
first
 given chart illustrates
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 percentage in a mediocre Australian family, while the
second
 data depicts how the greenhouse gas emission
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
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 from
this
energy
. There are five devices used as indicators; heating, water heating, refrigeration, lighting, cooling and others. A glance
of
Change preposition
at
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 the chart provided reveals that while heating takes the largest proportion of
energy
 usage in Australian houses, cooling shows the least percentage and becomes the lowest factor contributing to gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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. Getting back to the details, for the most part, more than
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
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 of
energy
 usage is spent on heating with approximately 42% and only 2% is used for cooling.
The water
Correct article usage
Water
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 heating
also
 becomes the
second
 biggest usage with less than a
third
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 following other appliances
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 15%, refrigeration, and lighting with only just below the other devices. According to the chart, water heating becomes the significant majority factor for Australian family greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
. Other appliances contribute around 28%, meanwhile only less than a fifth
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
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 used for heating, and a little less than heating
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 for refrigeration around 14% . Lighting and cooling
on
Add the comma(s)
,on
show examples
 the other hand, are
also
 the insignificant minority accounting for 8% and 3% respectively.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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