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Band 6

Nowadays, there are many individuals who wants to self-employed. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#individuals
In modern times, more and more people prefer to work on their own.
While
such
 workers could risk their financial stability, I believe that they have the freedom to choose their own path.
Thus
, I agree that the advantage far outweighs any possible disadvantages. On a negative note, freelance workers may risk their financial
income
 as they do not have a fixed contract as other company's employees.
Such
 freelancers have to search for their own
jobs
 independently in order to get their paycheck,
for example
, searching
jobs
 through freelance
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 portals or starting their own business from scratch, resulting in not having a monthly fixed
income
 like other conventional workers.
However
, I think self-employers can have strategies to have a fixed
income
 or even boost their
income
such
 as personal branding through the Internet or self-marketing.
On the other hand
, one of the main positives not for working independently is the flexibility they may have that can benefit them.
Firstly
, they can be more flexible in choosing their preferred
jobs
 and working time, causing a stress-free environment and conditions.
Moreover
, they can have free space to explore their skills and their potential and
this
 can
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in achieving more professional experience and multiplying more money than working in just one company.
For instance
, Marry Riana, an influencer and a digital nomad made a risky move to resign from her company to pursue her dream as an online life coach,
then
 it resulted in gaining more annual
income
while
 travelling to beautiful countries.
Therefore
, I believe that self-working allows people to find their own true selves and greatness in life. In conclusion,
although
 having independent work may harm the stability of our financial
income
, I believe that the upside outweighs the downside side that the flexibility of working on our own will can lead to a
greater
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 life.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and encapsulate the entire argument effectively. Maintain a consistent argument throughout and avoid contradicting points.
logical structure
Work on logical structuring of your essay, ensuring a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
supported main points
Back up main points with more specific examples or evidence to make the argument compelling and convincing.
complete response
Respond to all aspects of the task, both advantages and disadvantages in this case, and provide a clear, supported opinion on the issue.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop ideas fully to ensure that the reader has a clear understanding of your arguments. Expand on points where necessary for clarity and depth.
relevant specific examples
Enhance your essay by integrating more varied and specific examples that directly support your main ideas and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Flexibility
  • Work-life balance
  • Fulfilling
  • Directly benefit
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Steady income
  • Burden
  • Expertise
  • Accounting
  • Healthcare
  • Retirement plans
  • Isolation
  • Camaraderie
  • Workplace environment
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