IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Without any doubt, society is divided into two groups as per
distinct
Correct article usage
the distinct
show examples
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
show examples
 of different people. From the perspective of some people, they believe that cinema becomes less popular among populations because of the introduction of new OTT platforms.
This
Linking Words
 essay will not shed light only on both arguments but
also
Linking Words
 my point of view will be elaborated in
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 paragraphs. To commence with
Linking Words
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 notion, there are numerous points to be shared where picture halls were being overpowered by digital services.
First
Linking Words
 of all, one subscription
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any platform can help us to enjoy the benefits of
binge
Add an article
a binge
show examples
 watch.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can watch whole web series in one day during weekends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is possible to gain some monetary benefits by buying
membership
Add an article
a membership
the membership
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 run.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, moving towards another argument of
this
Linking Words
 debate, with the incoming scenario of OTT platforms there is another issue of pirated websites detrimental effect of
this
Linking Words
 platform is that they are not verified
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 trusted websites,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 is always the risk of disclosing one's
personnel
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 information. To add
up with
Change preposition
to
show examples
disagreement
Correct article usage
the disagreement
show examples
, while watching via streaming services either
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to be connected by good internet connectivity or had downloaded before which
also
Linking Words
 come along with other disruptions of downloading
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. To conclude, I strongly believe that cinema halls have their own advantages. People get a chance to change their daily environment around them by visiting there.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, as
emergence
Add an article
the emergence
show examples
 of technology regarding 3D and 7D continuously
growing
Wrong verb form
grows
show examples
, we can get new experiences through the picture halls.
Submitted by sandhyakalia196 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: