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Band 3.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphone #development
Mobile phone is considered by many as something that they can live without it. Even the
time
 is important for people, there are huge people not care about
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 their
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain my viewpoints in detail in the ensuing paragraph.
Firstly
,
time
 management is important for anyone.
For instance
, you can manage your
time
 when you learn or when you
leisure
Replace the word
leisurely
show examples
.
However
, the reason for wasting
time
 is considered negative impact.
Phone
Add an article
The phone
show examples
 is easy to carry
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
use it. You can watch movies,
send
Correct word choice
and send
show examples
text
Fix the agreement mistake
texts
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
.
This
 will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your other work. It's clear that without
manag
Correct your spelling
manage
managing
 your
time
 and keeping wast it.
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 will
be becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 bad
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
.
Secondly
, everyone should
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a goal.
For example
,
somone
Correct your spelling
someone
some
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a goal
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 let him
focusing
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
 to achieve it.
Person
Add an article
A person
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to study he will focus on that until he
finish
Change the verb form
finishes
show examples
.
This
 will make him
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
 his
time
 and not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
waste it.
Therefore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adverse
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 will happen if there is no goal to do in life. To summarise, management
time
 is something significant to people and they should have a goal in life
otherwise
 hours will lose.
As a result
, it's clear that
ther
Correct your spelling
there
they
the
 will be
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 affect
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 one who does not know how to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 his minute.
Submitted by mhoos.211 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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