IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some believe that modern technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #technology #people
Thanks to advanced technology, nowadays,
people
 do not have to do numerous tasks in person. It is stated by a number of
people
 that because of high-tech products more individuals have led to be introverted, but others do not accept
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will evaluate both viewpoints.
However
, I agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 view. After introducing some of the advanced technology,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socializing has dropped
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
To begin
 with, one of the most important
invention
Change to a plural noun
inventions
show examples
 is
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 which has connected humans across the world to each other. With
this
 tool,
people
 do not need to go to visit a friend personally, they can turn their webcams on and be participated in any meeting from
distances
Fix the agreement mistake
distance
show examples
.
thus
, our relationships have become
machinism
Correct your spelling
mechanism
machines
.
In addition
,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 let us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
purchase our items from online shops, which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 with staff and other customers.
For example
, by using the Snapp application in Iran, citizens order what they need from homes via
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
.
On the contrary
, there are some
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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opposing
Wrong verb form
opposed
show examples
. They believe
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 community has not been damaged by the
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of technology, because, still several works must be done physically , even services provided by apps require workers, so, they are able to talk with each other with different
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
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colleagues, some customers and
administers
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administrators
show examples
. Following up
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
, subconsciously they have to have a conversation which is a quality of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 activity. To sum up,
although
employers
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employers'
employer's
show examples
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 and customers still
paticipate
Correct your spelling
participate
 in activities related to
scoial
Correct your spelling
social
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their quality and quantity have decreased considerably due to
cumputers
Correct your spelling
computers
 and
online based
Add a hyphen
online-based
show examples
 services.
Submitted by amin.ranjbar77 on

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