IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have recently moved to a different location where you experience frequent electricity breakdown. Write a letter to the electricity board. In your letter, -describe the situation, -tell what problems you are facing due to this, -explain what you want the board to do

#location #electricity #breakdown #board #-describe #situation #-tell #-explain
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I am writing
the
Correct your spelling
this
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 letter to express my dissatisfaction with the service of electricity in York City. I'm new to
this
 town, and I moved in from Lakeshore
last
 month. When I was working from home two weeks ago, the power suddenly went down, but it started working again a few minutes later.
However
, for 6 hours every day after that, my family faced the same problem. Plus, each breakdown usually lasts 1 hour. As you know, the temperature is very high at 32 degrees these days. After the huge outage, the air conditioning is not working well and the fruits and vegetables in the refrigerator are rotting. Electricity breakdown has doubled suffering. What I really want to tell you is that you should come to check
this
 phenomenon on a regular basis at least once a month.
In addition
, please resolve
this
 situation as soon as possible. I'm looking forward to hearing some good news. Thank you. Yours sincerely, Hwiju jin.
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greeting and closing
Ensure that the letter begins with a proper greeting to the electricity board and ends with an appropriate sign-off to make the letter format more formal.
complete response
While you have mentioned key points, focusing on specific incidents and details could make your letter more persuasive. Additionally, mentioning how these breakdowns are affecting your professional life might strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Though some structure is present, aim for clearer paragraph organization, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific issue or point, and use cohesive devices to better connect ideas.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter could be more formal and less conversational to reflect the seriousness of the concerns raised to the electricity board.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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