IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable, while others think it makes a person less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 think the
internet
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 makes them more sociable,
while
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others
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 think it makes a person less interactive in real life.
This
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 is the case and why I think the
internet
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 makes
people
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 communicate more. Social media creates a space for
people
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 to interact with each other, providing communities with the same interest and encouraging a person who is introverted to open up their boundaries and form a relationship.
For example
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, game communities are formed by a group of gamers who are fascinated by the same virtual concepts and some may feel uneasy about discussing
this
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 topic in public.
Moreover
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, social media platforms give a place to maintain long-distance relationships. Individuals from different places can talk to each other, mitigating the separation problem.
Hence
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, the
internet
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 encourages
people
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 to interact and form a community together.
However
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,
others
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 are concerned that the
internet
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 may have an effect on how
people
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 communicate in real life. Excessive use of the
internet
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 can harm a person's ability to talk or engage in real-world conversation.
For instance
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, some
people
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 who are always on their phone chatting will likely lose the ability to have a face-to-face situation
due to
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no
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having no
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 courage to face
others
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 or cannot
perceive
Fix the infinitive
to perceive
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 how normal conversations are.
Therefore
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, exposure to the
internet
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 too much can lead to losing the ability to talk to
others
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 in reality.
To conclude
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, the
internet
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 provides a space for
people
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 to deepen their connection and forms a group of the same interests, encouraging
people
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 to speak.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 if someone is exposed to the
internet
Use synonyms
 too much they might lose some capability to speak in the real world.

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task achievement
Ensure consistency in your argument. While your conclusion supports the idea that the internet makes people more sociable, make sure the discussion is balanced throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs or sentences more clearly. This will improve the flow and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and help clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and your stance. It sets up the essay well for discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and specific points arguing both sides of the topic.
task achievement
You've effectively included an example about online game communities to illustrate how the internet fosters sociability.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically organized with distinct paragraphs for each perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • forums
  • chat rooms
  • interaction
  • introverted
  • belonging
  • virtual social events
  • video calls
  • messaging apps
  • long-distance relationships
  • face-to-face interactions
  • non-verbal cues
  • real-world conversations
  • superficial interactions
  • meaningful relationships
  • dependency
  • isolation
  • online presence
  • physical social events
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