IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 254 words.

#people #age
In the contemporary epoch marriages between two parties are common around the world.
However
, there is no specific
age
 for people to marry another person,
thus
 some may marry at a very early
age
 or old
age
. The majority of individuals hold a view that the legal
age
 to marry is at least 21 which I agree entirely. The following essay will elaborate more on the topic with examples. Commencing, it is true that in many parts of the world young children get married when their
age
 can be below 21. Even though the universal legal
age
 to marry is 18 years, at
this
age
 adolescents are not mature enough
hence
 by the
age
 of 21 a human being will be stable mentally, physically, and financially and in a better position to run a family life. As an example, In India, a new law has been proposed to society that the legal
age
 of marriage for girls is 21 because the maternal mortality rate is high.
Therefore
, the minimum
age
 at which two parties should marry is above 21 years.
On the other hand
, it is common that many countries to have child marriages which is below the legal
age
 and
this
 brings serious consequences to the people
such
 as poor infant health, sexual violence, and unwanted pregnancies at a very young
age
 which affects the health. To exemplify, infants born to mothers less than the
age
 of 15 are more likely to die rather than infants borns to mothers above 21. So, when individuals are 21 or above they have a healthy body and fitness to uphold the births. To conclude, I strongly agree that the legal
age
 people can marry is 21 because young children are not mature enough to carry a married life below 21 years as well as when child marriages
are occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
show examples
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
death rate of infants increased because of poor nutrition in children.
Submitted by wathsala.lekamge1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: