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Band 3.5

Should Long term job-seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community

#term #job-seekers #receipt #government #work #community
Nowadays,there are
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 who seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
government jobs for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time.Their main purpose for
find
Replace the word
finding
show examples
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 sector
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 is
job
 security
as well as they
Add the comma(s)
, as well as they,
show examples
 are willing to do something better for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Consequently
,youngers can join
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Change noun form
community's
show examples
 voluntary services
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their purpose that
give
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gives
show examples
 something back to citizens. In Sri
lanka
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Lanka
show examples
,there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 free education system.
Therefore
 almost all children get
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 from that system.
Undoubtely
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
,young people have
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
 to return something good
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
.Following
this
,voluntary services are
good
Correct article usage
a good
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oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 the target.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe,waiting long term for
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 without creating their own path is wasting of time.Thereby most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
 seekers are
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
show examples
 people.Certainly,they can start voluntary teaching for poor kids
although
 it will be the best experience for their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
On the other hand
,if we look around with clearly opened eyes,there are so many chances to help others.
Job
 seekers can help senior citizens in various ways.when we communicate with them friendly,elderly people
happy
Add a missing verb
are happy
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 to share their life
experiences
 and
career
experiences
 with us.
Thus
,
that
Change the determiner
those
show examples
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 are more valuable for young citizens' future careers. In conclusion,there are
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
 paths to get
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 despite doing eight hours
job
.At least
job
 seekers can join
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
 voluntary
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 before they start their professions.
Finally
,the
experiences
 that they earn could not get anywhere else.
Submitted by thashik3 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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