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Band 4

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras).In many cases,the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases
Nowadays technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 increased in the past ten years and most of the information that we have searched for cell phone tracking and security cameras are monitored by search engine companies and governments or
an
Correct article usage
apply
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anonymous. Many
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
 do not catch that
this
 is happening and most of them are not interested in
this
 situation. There are many advantages to monitoring what
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 are saying and doing.
First,
the government can track the criminal’s cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and security cameras so that they can catch them immediately.
Second,
if there are elders in the household, youngers can take a look for elders and
seek
Correct your spelling
see
show examples
 if there are emergency situations for them. But in my opinion, the pros of
this
 case do not outweigh the cons. Maybe the disadvantages might overwhelm the advantages. tracking the personal information should be carried on seriously and many people should take care of
this
 case and protect their privacy . The number of residents who
lives
Change the verb form
live
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 in
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
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 in Korea is sinking in
this
 case. Most of the brand-new apartments have a wall pad in their accommodations,
this
 device includes an HD camera, which allows residents to call to neighbourhoods.
However
, many criminals hack
this
 wall pad and sell the sensitive videos to
another
Correct quantifier usage
others
show examples
. To handle
this
 serious problem, we should keep our privacy ourselves.
First,
we can block the camera with the tapes and stickers.
This
 is the main solution for blocking criminals
to hack
Change preposition
from hacking
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 a camera.
Second,
people can use high-secured devices, like an iPhone. Apple’s devices have developed security systems so that anonymous hackers cannot hack them. Eventually, because there are bigger cons than pros in
this
 situation, people should take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 problem and protect their privacy .
Submitted by soominkim0618 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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