IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people want to buy famous brand of clothes and cars. What are the reasons? Do you think a positive or negative development?

#people #brand #clothes #cars #development
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These days, a large group of people like to buy things that they need from stores which have a brand owing to the fact that they believe that
brands
Use synonyms
' devices are not only based on factions but
also
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 good quality. In my opinion, it is a negative development
due to
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 the fact most of the
time
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 it is a waste of
money
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also
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, these
brands
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 increase their sales but reduce the quality On the one hand, when you buy things which can be found in local markets from
brands
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, you will waste your
money
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 inasmuch as the
brands
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’ shops earn you both tools cost and the brand price;
as a result
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, when you buy gadgets from the store you might be spending less
money
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 than
brands
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. To illustrate, my friend bought a jacket from Zara
last
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 year for 400 dollars
while
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 I bought the jacket, which was the same as hers, but the colour was varied, from a small store in the mall for 200 dollars.
On the other hand
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, if the number of one thing from a brand climbed,
then
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 the quality should be declined because it is important that they raise their goods which clients want in a short
time
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, most of the
time
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 they dip their qualities which check less;
moreover
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, these companies declined their qualities for selling more than past.
For instance
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, we can see TOYOTA manufactured fewer cars in the past but it could work for a long
time
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;
in contrast
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,
this
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 firm produces a lot of vehicles, which have several ranges, yet they cannot work the same as the prior.
To sum up
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,
brands
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 show a massive number of things to us and we think buying from them is a good choice;
nevertheless
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, I advise that think about the qualities and the
money
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 which we spend on them.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider elaborating on each point more deeply and ensure the explanation is logically connected. This will help improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to present your ideas in a more organized manner and avoid repetitions to improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer conclusion that sums up the arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You have adequately covered the task, but aim to delve deeper into your reasons and provide further analysis or examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points better and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Focus on ensuring that each idea is clearly explained and well connected to your main argument to enhance the reader's understanding.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both the reasons people prefer branded items and your stance on this trend.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
The example of your friend buying a jacket from Zara is relevant and effectively supports your point about the cost difference between branded and non-branded items.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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