IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problems?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
These days,
work
-life balance has become popular, and many
people
 are trying to achieve
this
 goal.
However
, most
people
 fail to handle it due to several reasons.
This
 essay intends to discuss the possible reasons and suggests ways to overcome these problems. Financial difficulties are the
first
 reason for the inability to achieve a
work
-life balance. The cost of living has significantly increased while the income has remained the same, placing additional pressure on employees. They have to
work
 overtime to earn extra money.
Therefore
 they could ensure their family's conditions. A solution
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers is
raise
Fix the infinitive
to raise
show examples
 their staff's wages, which would
assuring
Change the verb form
assure
be assuring
show examples
 their employees don't need to
work
 more hours.
Furthermore
,
people
 fail to achieve a
work
-life balance due to heavy workloads and tight deadlines. The employees spend more time solving all the
work
 tasks; they even have to bring
work
 to their homes, which could limit their time to care for themselves. To tackle
this
 issue, companies should create more rest days for their staff, at least one day per month.
For example
, Google Inc, known as the best corporation in the world, their CEO allows all the staff to take an extra vacation, which helps improve both the mental and physical health of the labour. Ambition is responsible for the failure to attain
work
-life harmony.
People
 who want to succeed in their careers tend to become workaholics, and that attitude becomes a way of life because the desires increase. Dealing with
this
 issue means we should learn when it is enough, and
then
 we all begin to enjoy life in its true form. In conclusion, balancing
work
 and life is difficult because of financial problems, heavy workloads and ambitions.
However
,
people
 can solve
this
 issue by focusing less on their ambitious careers;
also
, companies need to take responsibility for their actions.
Submitted by nguyengiangbk2018 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: