IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some parents are worried about the increased level of violence,tv, videogame and another type of entertainment for children's leisure, how does this affect children? How do you this problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #tv #videogame #type #entertainment #children #leisure #affect
In recent days, parents are aware of the rise of violence, television, video games, and some kind of entertainment
devices
 which
children
 are overusing in their free time. The result of
this
 is
children
 would have an unclear mind, unconsciousness, and reduced focus on reality. There are many solutions for
this
 trend to be solved, it is extremely obvious and most parents would not do. To start with,
technology
 is developing at the speed of the wind, many people nowadays cannot live without
technology
devices
such
 as smartphones, television, computer and many other kinds of
devices
.
Children
 are no exception, and these entertainment things on high-tech
devices
 affect them the most and interrupt their
brain
 development permanently.
For instance
, there is a comparison between
children
 who read books and others who watch tv shows on
brain
 function, the result is not surprising when the book reader's
brain
 is developing 4 years above the tv viewer's. Watching tv or playing video games is extremely harmful to
children
 because they make the
children
's
brain
 process slower than average and reduce creativity as well.
On the other hand
, there is plenty number of solutions to prevent
this
 problem
such
 as abandoning
children
 from approaching
technology
devices
 when there is underdevelopment in
brain
 functions at age.
In addition
, parents should be with their sons or daughters more frequently,
for example
, bringing the
children
 to the park, going to a picnic or spending more time talking with them
instead
 of giving them a smartphone for entertainment. In conclusion,
technology
devices
 are harmful to
children
 in the progress of developing behaviour and
brain
, avoiding it would be the best way to prevent and avoid the problem.
Submitted by tridung270205 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: