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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The rate of zoos in many countries has grown up, and it is commonly believed that they are cruel and ought to be banned. In my opinion, I disagree with this view because zoos can help animals in many different aspects.

#rate #zoos #countries #animals #aspects
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The
number
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 of
zoos
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 in many countries has grown, and it is commonly believed that they are cruel and ought to be banned. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
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 view because
zoos
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 can help
animals
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 in many different aspects.
Firstly
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,
zoos
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 can help protect
animals
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 from hunters.
In other words
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, when
animals
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 are in the wild, hunters can easily hunt them for their body parts,
such
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 as fur, skin, and many more, and if
this
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 keeps going on, their
number
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 will decrease, and maybe in the future, they will go extinct.
However
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, if they are in
zoos
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, they will live longer because they will be protected.
For example
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, in Malaysia, the
number
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 of Malayan Tigers has increased because they are protected in
zoos
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 from hunters.
Thus
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,
zoos
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 can provide a safe environment for the
animals
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.
Secondly
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,
zoos
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 can help breed some endangered species.
That is
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 to say, some
animals
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 are considered endangered because they are not able to reproduce
due to
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 some factors, namely genetic and environmental.
Nevertheless
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, when they are in
zoos
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, scientists can do more research on them and help them breed, which can help them increase their populations.
For instance
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, in China, the government has spent a lot of money on a successful panda breeding program, which has been done in many
zoos
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.
Hence
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,
zoos
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 can help increase the
number
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 of
animals
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that they should not be abolished because they can help
animals
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 from poachers and increase their
number
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. If there are more
zoos
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, the
number
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 of endangered
animals
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 will decrease
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Your main points are clear and well-supported with relevant examples. However, ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within each paragraph flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear stance and summarizing your points effectively.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas that are easy to follow.
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