IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #time #school #work #reason
Childhood
time
 is the most important
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
growth phase,
this
time
 make
children
 learn how to play, and learn new thing and
this
 stage gives shape to our child in future. When they start
school
, the
time
 has been divided to play and
study
. During
this
time
 some people believe that
children
 should not be given too much free
time
, and they should do more
school
work
 and some think the other way. In my opinion, pupils should do more
school
work
 and
this
 essay will explain it in more detail about it.
Firstly
, we all knew that education is most important for all ages. Without education,
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 will make us lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the perspectives from
this
 world, including self-esteem. When the pupils start to learn we need to encourage them to focus on
study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and make them feel enjoying the phase of the
study
.
Moreover
,
children
 can adapt easily to the way we teach them at the beginning of their childhood compared to adults.
In addition
, if they do schoolwork regularly, it will make them faster learners, because when they do the exercise, they train the brain to
work
 effectively and efficiently.
On the other hand
, pupils that have given more free
time
 when the
school
 will make them not interested in studying, and they will not focus on learning, and they will spend most of their
time
 playing include in classes.
This
 will affect their progress of growth and they will not be able to catch up with their studies. Some of them will lose interest to go to
school
 and we cannot let
this
 happens. In conclusion, all
children
 should spend their free
time
 with
study
 or doing
school
work
, and all
this activity
Fix the agreement mistake
these activities
show examples
 can secure a bright future for them.
Submitted by yannaunghlaing on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: