IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to advances in science and technology, the lifestyle of people everywhere in the world has become similar. Is this a positive or a negative development?

There are different views about whether a common
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 which tends to be widespread
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 is acceptable or not. Personally, I am in favour of
cut-in-edge
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
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technology
Use synonyms
 and its effects on the
community
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a number of viewpoints against
this
Linking Words
 trend which argue that local cultures should be saved by individuals. Many habits which come from culture and a
community
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 used to have them before the development of
technology
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, are important for every region. To illustrate its importance, a recent report in a newspaper stated that originality in
lifestyle
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 is one of the key components of having both a healthy and diverse
community
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. Apart from what has been said earlier, with the progress of
technology
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, online shopping has become widespread.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, the same products are available around the world. Even local products which used to be accessible just to a small
community
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 can be bought from e-shops by a wide range of people all around the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
technology
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 brings an opportunity for everyone to share their experience about using a special product or doing an activity,
then
Linking Words
 others can follow the best experiences and decline some which are not likely to be suitable for them.
Overall
Linking Words
, similarity in
lifestyle
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 which comes from the effect of advances in
technology
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 has some benefits. I believe that a brilliant opportunity
of having
Change preposition
to have
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 a high-quality
lifestyle
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, whether it is the same for all people around the world or not, which arises from the progress of
technology
Use synonyms
 is more significant.

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Task Response
Make your introduction clearer by stating your main point directly and summarizing your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help organize your ideas better.
Task Response
Add more specific examples from real life to support your points, especially when discussing local cultures and online shopping.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add a concluding sentence in your conclusion that summarizes your main argument again.
Task Response
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion.
Task Response
You included some relevant points about technology and online shopping.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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