IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

#obesity #epidemic
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Nowadays, we often hear about health problems caused by an unhealthy diet. One of these is represented by
obesity
Use synonyms
, which has reached an epic proportion around the world. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
government
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the government
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 should play a significant role by applying
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 higher tax rate on certain types of
food
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 and increasing
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people
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people's
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 awareness about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity
Use synonyms
’s effects. On the one hand, the government should address the overweight problem by imposing high taxes on those foods which determine the issue
such
Linking Words
us
Correct your spelling
as
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 junk
food
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 and fast
food
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. In fact, the countries where
obesity
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 has reached
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 high rate among
population
Add an article
the population
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 are those where there are various chain restaurants which offer
food
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 with too much fat, salt and sugar. One of the main
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
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 is represented by
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 where there are plenty of
McDonalds
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Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
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 and Burger Kings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if fatty
food
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 costly, it might discourage
people
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 from eating it on a regular basis and,
thus
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 could be mitigated.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 should be informed about problems arising from an unhealthy diet. It could be done by performing a massive publicity campaign against those foods which are
armful
Correct your spelling
harmful
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 for the human body through televisions,
school
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schools
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, media and so on. Indeed, many
people
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 don’t know the risk that
run
Change the verb form
runs
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by
Change preposition
with
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 eating unhealthy fats and foods with a lot of calories.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
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 a similar initiative reduced the percentage of
people
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 who were struggling with
obesity
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, if citizens are made enlightened about the several
obesity
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 diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and heart problems, they will probably limit the unhealthy eating In conclusion, the
obesity
Use synonyms
 problem can be solved by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government actions both directly, by determining a
food
Use synonyms
 price increase through
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 higher tax rate, and indirectly via sensibilization campaigns aimed to inform
people
Use synonyms
 about the negative consequences of being
over-weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
.
Submitted by salvatore.mamone94 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • epidemic
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional labeling
  • public recreational spaces
  • community sports programs
  • food advertising regulations
  • medical professionals
  • workplace wellness programs
  • mental health support
  • sugary drinks tax
  • consumer choices
  • affordable and accessible
  • health organizations
What to do next:
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