IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

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In some parts of the world, there has been a rise in both the overall weight of
people
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 and the number of
health
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 problems these days. Some explanations for
this
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problem
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 will be put forward
,
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apply
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 before a few feasible solutions can be
dawn
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dawned
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.
To begin
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 with, there are two significant reasons why
people
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 are currently more overweight. The primary reason is that they have eaten too much fast
food
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. It could be ascribed to the convenience that fast
food
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 brings, including helping
people
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 save time in their hectic life today. If
people
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 depend on fast
food
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, they could be prone to many serious diseases
such
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 as
:
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apply
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 obesity, diabetes and hypertension. Their
health
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,
as a result
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, would gradually deteriorate. Another obvious reason is that
people
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 do not exercise regularly.
This
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 is because they are busy with work and there are not enough appropriate spaces in many big cities for physical activities like going jogging or cycling. One of the choices is joining the gym centre, which many
people
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 cannot afford.
However
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, some effective measures could be used to tackle
this
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problem
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.
Firstly
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, the government should introduce some policies to curb the consumption of fast
food
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 among citizens. It can be done by imposing heavy taxes on unhealthy
food
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 by which fast
food
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 prices would be directly increased and consumers would have to consider before choosing
this
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 type of detrimental
food
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. and control the quality of fast
food
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 companies.
Secondly
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, more parks should be erected to serve citizens, which is conducive for
people
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 to do outdoor activities, thereby improving their overall
health
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. To sum up, the
problem
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 of being overweight and decreasing
health
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 levels can be attributed to a few factors,
such
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 as
people
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’s dependence on fast
food
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 and the lack of public sports facilities. Strong remedies, including imposing heavy taxes on
this
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 kind of
food
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 and park construction, need to be implemented to address
this
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problem
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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