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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Longer life span and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of 65 can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#life #span #improvements #health #people #age #lives #society #benefit #contribution
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With the progress of medical science, modern people’s
life
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 span has been lengthened significantly than centuries before. Since that, the
Use synonyms
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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 after retirement take nearly
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
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third
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 of
amount
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the amount
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,
how
Correct word choice
and how
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 to use
this
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 time meaning become an important issue to the elderly and
society
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline three ways in which
elder’s
Correct article usage
an elder’s
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 rest of
life
Use synonyms
 can meaning to
community
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the community
show examples
. Sharing their practical
experience
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 students is one of the ways that
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
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 can contribute to
society
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. Students in school often only learn text
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 and
theory
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theories
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.
Elder
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The elder
An elder
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 who has more than 30
years’
Correct your spelling
years
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experience
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 can share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 students
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge that couldn’t learn in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
For instance
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, Management
course
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courses
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 in university often
invite
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invites
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 former managers to have a speech on the cases that the speaker
done
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did
has done
show examples
.
However
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, some of the elders’
experience
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 too old to suitable
in
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apply
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nowadays or they’re not good at giving
speech
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a speech
the speech
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. Another way in which the elderly can contribute to
society
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 is by participating the historical interview to store their special memory. In the past decades, thousands of elders who had
join
Wrong verb form
joined
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 WWII
interviewed
Add a missing verb
were interviewed
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 by writers, TV programs,
historians
Correct word choice
and historians
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 about their
experience
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
field
Add an article
the field
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, which became autobiographies, movies, documentaries and history resources. Senior citizens have
enormous
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an enormous
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 historical
resource
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resources
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 about
big
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a big
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event
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events
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 or local
community
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communities
show examples
. With
Add an article
the interview
an interview
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interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
, we can store
this
Linking Words
 precious resource for research of history.
Elder
Fix the agreement mistake
Elders
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 have a
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
Use synonyms
life
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of life
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experience
Use synonyms
 and time. With proper use, they can contribute to
community
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the community
show examples
 by inheriting knowledge that they’re advantage
on
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of
show examples
 or helping historical research and store, which make pensionable people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have another way to benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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