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Band 4.5

Longer life span and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of 65 can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#life #span #improvements #health #people #age #lives #society #benefit #contribution
With the progress of medical science, modern people’s
life
 span has been lengthened significantly than centuries before. Since that, the
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 after retirement take nearly
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
 of
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 to use
this
 time meaning become an important issue to the elderly and
society
.
This
 essay will outline three ways in which
elder’s
Correct article usage
an elder’s
show examples
 rest of
life
 can meaning to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. Sharing their practical
experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 students is one of the ways that
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
 can contribute to
society
. Students in school often only learn text
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 and
theory
Fix the agreement mistake
theories
show examples
.
Elder
Add an article
The elder
An elder
show examples
 who has more than 30
years’
Correct your spelling
years
show examples
experience
 can share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 students
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge that couldn’t learn in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
For instance
, Management
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 in university often
invite
Change the verb form
invites
show examples
 former managers to have a speech on the cases that the speaker
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
show examples
.
However
, some of the elders’
experience
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 too old to suitable
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays or they’re not good at giving
speech
Add an article
a speech
the speech
show examples
. Another way in which the elderly can contribute to
society
 is by participating the historical interview to store their special memory. In the past decades, thousands of elders who had
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 WWII
interviewed
Add a missing verb
were interviewed
show examples
 by writers, TV programs,
historians
Correct word choice
and historians
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 about their
experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
, which became autobiographies, movies, documentaries and history resources. Senior citizens have
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 historical
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 about
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 or local
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. With
Add an article
the interview
an interview
show examples
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
, we can store
this
 precious resource for research of history.
Elder
Fix the agreement mistake
Elders
show examples
 have a
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
experience
 and time. With proper use, they can contribute to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 by inheriting knowledge that they’re advantage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 or helping historical research and store, which make pensionable people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have another way to benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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