IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the health care system , the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this and what are the some the long-trrm effects?

#governments #improvements #health #care #system #countries #long-trrm #effects
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The unprecedented progress of society brings along several notable notions which are interconvertible . Among them, the rising tendency of
health
Use synonyms
 care is one of them. So many reasons behind
this
Linking Words
, that government worked hard to improve
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
individual's
Change noun form
individual
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health
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of
improvement
Replace the word
improving
show examples
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 declined.
To
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development. The
first
Linking Words
 aspect to out in
this
Linking Words
 context is that individual's eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 they eat junk foods daily which is
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their stomach. Let us start by considering the fact, nowadays due to
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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schedule
Add a comma
,schedule
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 make food at home so they prefer restaurants. It is indeed, a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 children
also
Linking Words
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 want to eat green vegetables.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, A balanced diet is the secret
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a healthy body.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays rely on fast food containing excessive fat and sugar . They cause obesity, diabetes and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
. In order words,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 is a serious problem the world over,lately,especially in developed countries.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 now lead a sedentary lifestyle,
doind
Correct your spelling
doing
 desk jobs, watching television or playing video games for long hours .
This
Linking Words
 leads to obesity and ill
health
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. Regular exercise is vital in maintaining
health
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. Exercise burns calories and builds healthy
bons
Correct your spelling
bones
 and muscles.
Thus
Linking Words
 , due to
this
Linking Words
 behaviour of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 government failed to maintain
thier
Correct your spelling
their
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, according to the argument
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aforementioned above, one can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that the benefit of eating fast food for
tastes
Fix the agreement mistake
taste
show examples
 and lack of time are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 potential drawback should not be overlooked either.
Submitted by prabhgill1621 on

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