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Band 6

Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the health care system , the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this and what are the some the long-trrm effects?

#governments #improvements #health #care #system #countries #long-trrm #effects
The unprecedented progress of society brings along several notable notions which are interconvertible . Among them, the rising tendency of
health
 care is one of them. So many reasons behind
this
, that government worked hard to improve
Correct article usage
an individual's
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individual's
Change noun form
individual
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health
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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,
instead
 of
improvement
Replace the word
improving
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lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
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 of
people
's
health
 declined.
To
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This
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this
,
this
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 development. The
first
 aspect to out in
this
 context is that individual's eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 they eat junk foods daily which is
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their stomach. Let us start by considering the fact, nowadays due to
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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schedule
Add a comma
,schedule
show examples
 some
people
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 make food at home so they prefer restaurants. It is indeed, a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 children
also
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 want to eat green vegetables.
On the other hand
, A balanced diet is the secret
of
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to
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 a healthy body.
However
, many
people
 nowadays rely on fast food containing excessive fat and sugar . They cause obesity, diabetes and heart
diseases
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disease
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. In order words,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 is a serious problem the world over,lately,especially in developed countries.
For instance
,
people
 now lead a sedentary lifestyle,
doind
Correct your spelling
doing
 desk jobs, watching television or playing video games for long hours .
This
 leads to obesity and ill
health
. Regular exercise is vital in maintaining
health
. Exercise burns calories and builds healthy
bons
Correct your spelling
bones
 and muscles.
Thus
 , due to
this
 behaviour of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 government failed to maintain
thier
Correct your spelling
their
health
. In conclusion, according to the argument
of
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apply
show examples
aforementioned above, one can reach
to
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apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that the benefit of eating fast food for
tastes
Fix the agreement mistake
taste
show examples
 and lack of time are instrumental indeed.
Nevertheless
,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 potential drawback should not be overlooked either.
Submitted by prabhgill1621 on

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