IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Do you think that education and training should be completely free or it is better to require fully paid tuition? Which way do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#education #tuition #support
Some
people
 are in favour of the way that tuition for education or training should be dispensed with.
However
, others suggest
people
 are responsible for their payment for the study. As far as I am concerned, I prefer free of charge at the expense of learning in
school
.
People
 advise learners should assume responsibility for spending on every item in
school
. After all, their decision to acquire knowledge at
school
 must provide a comparable cost.
Moreover
, if everyone pays the money, the finances will become various
resources
 at the
school
's disposal,
such
 as the teacher's salary, teaching facilities, and so on.
As a result
, one organisation could advance better because of the support of
this
 kind of income, not merely depending on the government's funding.
On the other hand
,
this
 method which charges every student tuition could cause some
people
 to do part-time jobs
due to
 being devoid of means.
For example
, if
people
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in university, they certainly must spend a fortune on different expenses, and
thus
 some of them can not help but struggle with
this
 difficulty. As previously stated, I argue for the idea of free
resources
.
Additionally
, I believe every student has the potential capacity and it is beneficial for them to study and explore things without stress from deficient money.
Consequently
, if students have more time to concentrate on their assignments wholeheartedly, they might have better accomplishments and
furthermore
, they can contribute their intelligence, and skills to society.
However
, some
people
 are opposed to free
resources
 being used inappropriately, and it may result in inequity distribution. In a nutshell, these two situations have their benefits and downsides. As they say "There are two sides to every coin".
People
 may reach success with the help of financial support and in turn help students in the next generation. It is unavoidable to have degenerate students abuse free
resources
.
However
, based on
overall
 favours on average, I prefer to adopt free-of-charge learning cost.
Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

suggestion
Your essay is generally well-structured and logically organized. However, it would benefit from more specific examples and clearer transitions between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
suggestion
Some of your ideas, while clear, need more elaboration and detailed supporting examples to reach a higher band score. Focus on providing concrete instances to illustrate your points.
strength
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing your main points effectively.
strength
You have a good logical structure and your arguments are presented in a clear sequence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: