Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that these days there is a vast investment
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
in athletes to participate in competitions in the Olympics and the World Cups. The question is, should countries apply financial incentives for children to promote sports activities? I completely agree that we should invest more money in students to encourage their physical health state. In
this
essay, I am going to elaborate more on my view.
First,
it has been known for thousands of years that mental strength is always connected to physical energy.The main reason for
this
thesis is that it was observed in many studies in the world that people who exercise regularly have better results in the theoretical part.
Such
as, they found that Argentina athletes' average grades in math and English were B+.
Whereas
, Saudi players' average was C in both subjects.
In addition
, Dr Mazen from Imam Abdulrahman Bin Fasil
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
conducted research in 2018 to measure the gem effect on brain activity, he found that individuals who practice three hours per week have 35% working areas in the brain more than people how not practice all.
Also
, he found the effect of these hours in the gem
last
double its time.
For example
, if you practice three hours per week for 3 months and rest for another 3 months your mental work will be functioning in the same manner during these months, and decline after that. In conclusion, there is much evidence that supports my claim that investment in school sports classes will give us a new generation with good well-being
as well as
mental strength.The responsible institutions should take
this
information and start working on it.
Submitted by albandarialqahtani4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the writer's position on the issue. Provide a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs. Use cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs to improve overall coherence.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!