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Writing Samples
Band 5

nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed What is the reason for doing this? is this a negative or positive developlment

#parents #pressure #children #reason #developlment
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There is no doubt that
Parents
Use synonyms
 always going to love their
children
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 and wish them all the best. Sometimes we can see that they are putting an overload of
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to succeed, but is that going to
mark
Verb problem
have
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 a positive effect on their
children
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 or a negative effect? In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss what are the reasons behind
this
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 thing and whether is it good or bad for the future of the child himself.
Firstly
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, we can agree that the
parents
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 Know exactly what is the best choice for their
children
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 and they will not ever guide them to the wrong path, so we can rely on them in choosing the early steps of the kid in his or her childhood period.
In other words
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,
Parents
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 have experienced
this
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 part of life and know exactly what are the consequences of it. they know how
this
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 will end in the end so they put a lot of
pressure
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 on them to not see their kid having a horrible time in his adult and feeling upset about not getting the best treatment at an early age.
Secondly
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, on the other side from the kid's view we can see the child himself
mostly
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apply
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is not aware of the importance of
this
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 period and will feel bad about
this
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 treatment and
this
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 might cause negative results for him.
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in
Capitalize word
In
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 addition,some
parents
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 put an overload
pressure
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 more than the abilities of the infant, which might cause a huge problem for the child ,especially in his or her personality.
As a result
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,
this
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 is going to have a bad impact which might cause
for example
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 a harness of doing the thing itself and is going to have a toxic relationship between both of them. In conclusion,
parents
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 will be always the ones who love us, wish the best for us and work hard for us we can not hate them because of the
pressure
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 and the higher thought that they are putting on us. In My point of view, I think that
parents
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 should learn how to teach their kids in a good way to have positive results and not have a toxic relationship with bad results from their kids.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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task response
The essay is lacking coherence and cohesion as the progression of ideas is unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The essay lacks specific examples to support the main points. The response to the task is incomplete, and the ideas are not comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is weak, leading to unclear progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance. The main points lack sufficient support from specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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