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Band 7.5

Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved.

#people #doctors #care #health #approach #healthcare
Lately, we are made aware of the worrying, surging numbers of
health
-related issues especially affecting the younger generation. One of the contributing reasons is the mindset of some people, depending entirely on doctors to take care of their
health
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
further
 the problems it can possibly cause and
also
 provide some solutions. The idea of relying completely on healthcare providers to take care of a person's
health
 can lead to detrimental outcomes.
This
 thinking will make people feel powerless and victimised when they are the very person that needs to change their unhealthy eating habits and sedentary lifestyles.Unavoidably, in the long run,it will burden the government's healthcare system, as more and more hospitals will be needed to cater for the sick,eventually compromising the development of the country. Common diseases like diabetes mellitus , hypertension and ischaemic heart diseases are very much preventable if we change our thinking by taking charge of our
health
 on daily basis. It is a very serious problem and we need to tackle it before it spirals out of control .
First
 of all, the government should implement compulsory subjects in schools regarding healthy eating and exercise so young children can carry on living these healthy lifestyles to their adulthoods.
Moreover
, awareness campaigns should be organised by community leaders in order for the general public to be alert regarding their own roles . Companies and individuals should be given incentives or tax reductions for organising and participating in
health
-related activities
such
 as joining the gym, sports competitions and outdoor team-building activities.
Furthermore
,more sports facilities like parks and running tracks will encourage the local community to get active physically. In conclusion, we need to change our mindset to take charge fully of our own
health
, as depending mainly on doctors can be disastrous to everyone. We do not want to collapse the healthcare system by producing growing numbers of unhealthy people. Early education, awareness campaigns, tax reduction and providing more sports facilities are the few measures that can be taken to solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by chiniey on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dependency
  • Personal responsibility
  • Healthcare
  • Doctors
  • Over-reliance
  • Delayed diagnoses
  • Missed diagnoses
  • Excessive reliance
  • Medical procedures
  • Healthcare costs
  • Proactive steps
  • Education
  • Awareness programs
  • Primary healthcare services
  • Preventive healthcare
  • Chronic conditions
  • Collaborating
  • Personalized health plans
  • Self-care
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