IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Scientists believe that individuals damage their lives by consuming a lot of unhealthy foods.
While
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 some contend the solution to
this
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 issue is to raise awareness of its detrimental effects, others argue that only educating society won't be beneficial.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I support the latter viewpoint. On the one hand, I agree with the community advocating that we can save the nation by making them aware of the negative effects of rubbish food.
Additionally
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, the government should organise proper educational campaigns against junk food.
For instance
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, the governing bodies can advertise the health issues, people can have if they consume a lot of trash snacks.
Besides
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 the government, the nation should play its vital part as well.
However
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, we cannot stop or force anyone to not having junk refreshments, but we should discourage
such
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 refreshments in our circles and society.
On the other hand
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, opponents argue that only educating people won't be enough
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 there is a need for other practical actions as well. First and foremost, the government should reduce the import of clutter food and encourage factories to make healthy meals.
Secondly
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, schools should play their part too.
Furthermore
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, there should be no canteens in school.
For example
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, in my school, there was no canteen , and the teacher used to check our lunch daily to see if there were any unhealthy refreshments. In Short, individuals are destroying their health by eating too many unhealthy foods. In light of the above facts,
nevertheless
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, I admit we can resolve
this
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 problem by educating the population, but I strongly believe that only education is of no use, and other alternatives should be applied as well.

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structure
Make a clear plan. Use one idea per para and sign each idea with a link to the question.
grammar
Fix grammar and use simple sentence forms. Watch tense and articles.
content
Give strong and real examples. Do not only say things, show how the plan would work.
vocabulary
Choose words that fit. Use 'junk food' or 'unhealthy foods' instead of new or wrong words.
task response
Make the start match the end. The view in the intro should be clear in the end.
content
The writer tries to talk about both sides and give a view.
examples
Some examples come from real life in school.
structure
The essay uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show balance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • food
  • junk
  • eat
  • learn
  • teach
  • educate
  • education
  • habit
  • change
  • planning
  • meals
  • home
  • school
  • parents
  • family
  • label
  • read
  • risk
  • disease
  • cost
  • price
  • tax
  • policy
  • law
  • ad
  • advertising
  • marketing
  • access
  • money
  • time
  • support
  • skill
  • cooking
  • nutrition
  • plan
  • choice
  • reason
  • fact
  • evidence
  • goal
  • campaign
  • community
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