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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reason for this? What are the solutions?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
fond
Add a missing verb
are fond
show examples
 of fast food and beverages which contain high
sugar
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is extremely dangerous for their
health
Use synonyms
. I will explain various
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
people
Use synonyms
 consume that
types
Use synonyms
 of
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 give
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 solution.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 consume
sugar
Use synonyms
-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
,
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
today
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 industry plays
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role in every
areas
Change to a singular noun
area
show examples
. advertisement
manipulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
manipulates
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 that
purchas
Correct your spelling
purchase
 things and try
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
show examples
 industry
hiring
Wrong verb form
hires
show examples
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 valuable and glamorous stars.
Therefore
Linking Words
 flocks
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that the stars
also
Linking Words
consumpted
Correct your spelling
consume
 these
types
Use synonyms
 of
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
These
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 soft drink
manufactring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
also
Linking Words
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 sponsored
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international sports and other activities.
As a result
Linking Words
,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 attract to that
types
Use synonyms
 of
drinks
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Coco-cola
show examples
Coco-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
show examples
 company
sponsored
Add a missing verb
was sponsored
show examples
 by IPL and other
turnament
Correct your spelling
tournament
tournaments
matchs
Correct your spelling
matches
match
 and the big star Salman Khan was
also
Linking Words
brand
Correct article usage
a brand
show examples
 Ambassador
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Coca-cola company.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, every soft
Use synonyms
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
 has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 taste and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 some percentage of caffeine so, over and over time consumption would be habitual which leads to
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Body paragraph 3
There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 various
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 decreased
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
-based
drinks
Use synonyms
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
, humans should
also
Linking Words
 less consume beverages in
Correct pronoun usage
their routines
show examples
routines
Change the noun form
routine
show examples
 life and
also
Linking Words
 shows written
contain
Replace the word
content
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in every
Use synonyms
drinks
Change to a singular noun
drink
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, companies should
manufactured
Change the verb form
manufacture
show examples
 alternative options of
sugar
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
 and diet coco-cola which contain only 5% of
sugar
Use synonyms
. It
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to humans keep
fit
Change the verb form
fitting
show examples
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the government should conduct
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 diet
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 for
Correct article usage
the awerness
show examples
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
Add an article
the citizen
a citizen
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
-based beverages
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
awer
Correct your spelling
answer
aware
were
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
types
Use synonyms
 of
drinks
Use synonyms
 and
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 consumed in daily life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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